Prompt: Rain peacefully falls outside the window as your love slowly falls into the great abyss- death, as you somberly remember your life and the moments you spent with them.
Rain splatters against the window, drums on the roof. A car goes by outside, drives through a puddle. It’s normal out there. It’s reality. But inside, I stand at the edge of our living room floor, and look down into the rolling, misty darkness where she falls. She’s moving fast but it feels unbelievably slow.
Her eyes are closed and her blonde hair swims slowly around her. The floral gown she had always loved flows, ripples, as though underwater. Although she must be miles away, I can still make out her pale skin, her long eyelashes, the thin lips I can still taste.
I want to seal the abyss. I want to pull her out, but she wanted this more than anything. The disease inside her was going to turn her to rot, so why wouldn’t she stay as she was forever down there? Alive, but not. Dead, but not. She devoured the books, drew the symbols, choked on and forced the strange words out. Opened the in-between of here and there, present and future, replacing the dining room we once shared, loved, meals.
We spent our last night together like we did our first night. Anxious words, uncertain hands and movements, gentle but slow love making. She was already in pain, and I was terrified I would do more damage, as though I was another form of cancer. When we finished, we lay and stared idly at the ceiling. Night turned to morning and morning to day, then it darkened and the rain began.
Although neither of us wanted to say it, it was time. I watched from bed as she got dressed and brushed her hair. I followed her to the edge of the floor, and held her for not long enough. Never enough. She released me and took a step back, two, smiled, waved and mouthed, “I love you,” then fell back into the nothingness those otherworldly words gave birth to.
What I never admitted to her was that I would remain here. I was never okay with being alone, never accepting of her frozen status as time continued on for me. I let her do what she believed was right for her, not us. Maybe I was wrong for being quiet or being too much of a push over, but I saw the pain, knew her future, and stepped aside.
I stood on the edge of the abyss, feel coldness prickle the bottom of my feet. Raise one floor, let it hang.
I rather be with her in the nothingness than feel the nothingness she had once filled.
I fall forward.
Read my previous prompt, “The Loon Business”
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